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Last Visit: 37 weeks ago
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Another late night Can’t rest my mind Empty conversations Mean nothing to me I find them to be infuriating Not easy and soothing I want to talk to you Let the words roll smooth once again But that’s not my right Not within my ability
My beautiful scared boy I remember the early morning light Slowly shedding over your skin A textured landscape upon delicate ivory Pink criss crossing You felt self conscious But I thought it stunning They told a silent story One that mesmerized me beyond belief One that I could harmonize Made me cover my arms So as to put the spotlight on you Your scars so much stronger I didn’t tell you then But I admired you For being resilient Despite your young year pain
I lay here upon the floor Reminiscing Mind awake and sad I never meant to hurt you Just wanted to protect you But that’s what all the bad guys say , Isn’t it ?
Another night Cold and crisp Smoke floats tender From my lips Words linger in my mind And I realize that sleep is a far off dream The night is cold and dark A frozen wasteland of desert winds Sadness drapes it’s cloak Over my thin bare shoulders And wraps it’s frigid fingers round my heart Amazing I can still feel After so long of these Tormented sleepless nights I want solace But all I have is smoke Blowing about me in a little vortex So I take another puff Extinguish my cigarette And go inside Turn on the alarm Swallow the sad Along with some cough medicine And wait For the numb emptiness To take over my brain Squash the thoughts That start to trickle in And let them memories Of my long gone past Wash over me His young grinning proud smile Is the last thing I see Little did he know It’d be years before I’d see it again
So many years Spent trying to please you So many moments wasted With blind eyes My rock My family Turned to exile You’ve made this monster With the pretty pained eyes With the cunning smile With the painted face full of empty promises With the lithe black widow body And the empty heart You made this creature As selfish as one can be A monster out for only its own pleasure Taking Never giving Breaking hearts And minds alike
I ensnared him in the early days And it blossomed Alongside my pain For I knew it could not last Someone as broken as he Needed more than The play doh barbie You created But I stayed Because with him I was content But then the day came That I had baked so long Under the heat of scrutiny That I cracked Sending his happiness Spiraling across the floor And the joy gave way Shattered amongst Those before him
I had hoped there would be A different ending for him I had cautioned him But when one is in love They’re quite blind Now he sees your monster But it’s too late This is beyond repair The play doh girl Doesn’t play for others to keep Unless at her wish This wish has blown away in the desert wind
My future is in your hands My safety in your arms Promises Whispered quietly between lovers A gentle caress Speaks a thousand volumes You are my sanctuary Your love , my freedom Wed to you Is my dream Holy matrimony Until recently A demon of unknown power Now made savior You are my light You are my flame Steady as an endless candle Your love burns bright and true Fear is still present But worth our forever shared Risks are unknown and unending But with you by my side And me by yours I know we will make it through The princess and the jester In love forever
My life is all the same Sitting at the top of these stairs Afraid to join the party Afraid to go back inside The fear of social interaction The fear of being alone Watching the ongoing Of other people's lives Looking through the window of desperation Hiding behind the cigarette of false hope Fake confidence Hide the pain in a bowl Light it up Inhale the memories Breathe out silent screams A mask like no other Don't you date shed a tear The dark hides my face Makeup hides the truth The sleepless nights Laying beside you this morning In the messed up sweaty sheets A night fulfilled A dream long ago given over A hotel bed So symbolic A night like no other in a place I don't call home Kindness beneath your rough touch But at daybreak it was gone Our night slipped away A kiss on my lips Lingering still Now , Hours later But not the meaning I wish it to hold You're on your flight back to your home I'm sitting at the top of these stairs Starting up at the empty sky Alone again The smell of your skin Still dancing on mine Light up another cigarette Try to down the elixir But the effort is futile This won't end well I'm going to end up on the top of these stairs Night after night And let the memories crash over me Like the waves at the beach I hear over the blare of rap music These stairs are my constant